There are moments in life that will take you down to your knees. Sometimes, these come at the most unexpected times that can leave you in tears, or frozen or with no words at the most inopportune times.
Our life has been a series of ups and downs since the end of March. Relationships have come crashing down in my life, as if a match was lit to them. Relationships that were formerly solid, have become ashes. What I’ve learned is that once you burn it all down, all you have left is space to create. Space to create all that you’ve wished for and dreamt of and wanted without constraints and boundaries. It’s not easy and every day is a new challenge to overcome and be the person that I want to be. Changing my vibration to meet up to the things that I want in life. Somedays, it feels like literally getting up from a mud bath (hello Napa mud baths) and unsticking myself from paths I’ve followed for a long time.
What I’ve also learned, is that some relationships, are not what I believed them to be and people don’t always have your best interests at heart. Heart cracks, as I’ve been calling them, happen. Sometimes they can be filled in with gold, called Kintsugi in Japan. It’s the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with powdered gold. It treats breaks and cracks as part of the history of the object, and does not disguise it. I LOVE this philosophy and believe it applies to relationships of all sorts. Instead of hiding the cracks, learning how to repair them with something even better and stronger than the original will create a relationship that is one outside of your wildest dreams. However, not every piece of pottery needs this or should have it. Same with relationships, keep and repair the ones that matter and that you treasure-no matter what they look like!
We recently lost our dog, Max, unexpectedly. While he was 10 years old, he was healthy and happy and strong. Suddenly, he started not feeling well and vomiting. Thinking it was food issue, since we had recently changed his food, he went to the vet and there we learned how wrong we were. Three full days of IV treatments later, he had a little pep in his step and came home to be with us and his brother, Kona. That began his gradual downhill slide until 2 days later, he had a stroke and we had the blessing of being able to euthanize him so he did not continue to suffer. His loss, opened a gateway to grief for me, one that I have never felt in my adult lifetime. The tears come at all times, during a yoga class, on a walk, sitting and petting Kona or just sitting on the couch and noticing Max isn’t there. It’s overwhelming and all encompassing.
I’ve realized it’s really about the simple pleasures in life to make life worth living.
Here are some lessons I’ve learned from my dogs:
* Enjoy the sunshine each and every day
* Find time to take a nap
* Relish your treats
* Greet those you love with enthusiasm and love
* Connect with your siblings in rest and play and fun
* Be present
* Own your space
I’ve had the blessing of knowing some very knowledgeable people when it comes to wellness and mental health and wanted to share a list of things that I’ve found to be helpful.
- Feel the feelings, let yourself move through the waves of sadness and loss.
- Journal, write down all the things you are sad about and what you specifically grieve about your loss. Pets are a source of unconditional love for us and losing them is a huge loss of love in our lives-particularly with the current state of the world.
- Stay with people who allow you feel your feelings and don’t minimize them. If you hear the words “it was just a dog/cat”, “get another pet and you’ll be fine”, or “you’re so sensitive”, move away from those individuals and set up some clear boundaries. None of those statements are okay to be said to you.
- Join a pet loss support group.
- Share your favorite happy memories of your pet with friends and family. Share often and relive your favorite times together and look at photos.
- Read a book on pet loss: -Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet
- Pet Loss: A Spiritual Guide by Julia Harris
- Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates by Gary Kurz
- Saying Goodbye to the Pet You Love by Lorri A. Greene, Ph.D. - Move your body each day, whether it’s a walk, yoga or dance, MOVE.
- Stick to routines as much as possible, the structure will help you cope with devastating loss.
- Spend time with your family, other pets and friends.
- Websites that I found helpful:
* https://www.pet-loss.net/
* https://vetmedbiosci.colostate.edu/vth/animal-healthIf you’ve recently experienced grief, please talk to someone near you and allow yourself to work through your feelings.
If you know me personally and ask me how things are going, don’t be surprised if the floodgates are opened with that simple question. Grief is surprising and will find you at the smallest moments and the largest ones (hello recent Zoom call with clients). It happens and is part of the journey we are all on together. One beautiful day a time.
Sending you much love and light,
Amisha